


Iakkos and Kallipygos

by alder_knight



Category: Greek and Roman Mythology
Genre: Deities, F/M, Greek Mythology - Freeform, Implied/Referenced Blow Jobs, Not Beta Read, Original Mythology, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Pegging, Sex Toys, Strap-Ons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-14
Updated: 2017-04-14
Packaged: 2018-10-18 16:55:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10621155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alder_knight/pseuds/alder_knight
Summary: An original myth for the City Dionysia competition on tumblr: how Aphrodite and Dionysos invented the strap-on.*smote*





	

**Author's Note:**

> usually I would say "let the gods judge me for my sins" but this time I think I'd rather they didn't

Now, you may have heard the story of Dionysos and the old shepherd, back when he was still no more than a wandering demigod, in the tale of the young godling’s journey to the underworld to fetch back his poor dead mother. This kindly old shepherd agreed to help him find his way to the underworld’s entrance, in exchange for the entrance to the pretty youth’s pretty rear end. This the son of Zeus promised him readily, to be given just as soon as his poor dead mother was brought to safety, and he swished his hips all the way down to Hades so the selfless old man would be ready for what awaited him.

What heartbreak, then, to return from installing his resurrected and apotheosized mother on Olympus only to find his elderly suitor deceased and departed! To have passed the shepherd descending on his own rise back up, what cruel misfortune! How, then, was the dejected god to keep his divine word?

The determined young Dionysos seized a branch from the fig tree growing over the shepherd’s burial site, cut it free, and sat down on the earthen grave to work. He deftly fashioned the likeness of that which had been set to breach his walls, firm and girthy and of sizable length, onto which he promptly sank his plump behind, and in vigorously so doing, handsomely paid his posthumous debt to his libidinous benefactor.

 

Too, you may well be familiar with the tale of Aphrodite’s enchanting girdle. Eager to keep his ennuied new wife faithful, Hephaestus crafted for her a magnificent gift: leather and embroidery and all manner of embellishment, worn low around the hips, to make her utterly irresistible to any man who looked upon her.

(He would later claim outrage and have the self-righteousness to be affronted when she strayed - really, though, what was he expecting?)

 

But I wonder, my dear, whether you ever heard of the fantastic union of these creations, which came of the fantastic union of the god Dionysos and goddess Aphrodite?

It would not have been their first tryst, nor was it by far their last, but there came a pleasant afternoon when, deep in their cups, the affectionate pair spoke of each of these special apparatus - the wooden phallos, the leather belt. Speaking of it, Aphrodite rose, raised her mantle, and modeled her marvelous midriff, encircled efficiently in its clever corsetry, to the clear delight of her companion. Dionysos in turn plucked a limb from an overhanging apple tree to demonstrate his craftsmanship, and upon having so done, the idea to which they simultaneously came was both novel and heretofore unattempted. Shall I tell you of it? I think to give details would be immodest, and unseemly for such company, but I must emphasize that the method by which the phallos was fastened to the glittering leather harness was sturdy and ingenious, its angle on her hips appealingly jaunty, their preparations of moistening the member quite befitting such a sweet-tongued god, and the goddess’s jiggling thrusts pneumatic in the utmost.

Oh! the cries which left them both, and oh! the crowd of onlookers they attracted, the nymphs and satyrs who gazed in salacious curiosity and then frolicked away to try their own hands and hips at such revelry! Coupled in amorous liaison, who knows how long the divine pair remained thus engaged? At length they came apart, and bathed their sticky limbs and grassy knees in the nearest emerald pool, and lied out in in the lowering sunshine to recuperate. The sweet noises of insects and whooping nymphs made musical the lazy twilight.

To this day, such copulation and the means by which it is achieved are blessed under the auspices of the the Loud-Crier and She of the Beautiful Buttocks, and to all those who follow them it is given as a gift. May it bring you and your chosen such pleasures as it brought to Lady Aphrodite and Lord Dionysos, my dear - thus comes my tale to an end.

**Author's Note:**

> I just want readers to know that I did not invent those epithets or the first two myths. Our Lady of Dat Ass and That Time Dionysos Invented the Dildo are 100% legit high-quality Greek religious lore. bless.


End file.
